Inndulgence
 
By Giles Adams
 
Here’s an English exam question for you to undertake: Write a short essay about a trip out for afternoon tea without mentioning Billy Bunter.
 
Dammit! Failed already. I so wish that I had an alliterative name like Billy, but, along with intellect, I have long since learnt to settle myself with the cards with wot I have been dealt.
 
This eagerly anticipated trip had been doodled in my ink-stained prep book for yonks – who should I go with?! Well, taking a girl with a name like Pippa Pigglethwaite would be dull and boring so who better to take to the Castle Hotel in Taunton than my dear mother Sylvia Adams LLB, former solicitor and JP of the Shire, in anticipation of her 93rd birthday.
 
Taunton was once one of her legal domains, Maximum Sylvia of St James Street, right in the cut and thrust of the town, the neo-Jeffreys aroma of the Shire Hall court and its sad lack of gallows wafting eastwards. 
 
People born in the 1930s wear stoicism like a silent glove. Mum worked whilst studying for a family friend who ran serviced accommodation at Westminster Palace Gardens, where she had the misfortune to take breakfast in bed to Edward Heath (he was insufferably grumpy even then) and now she has to cope with the indignity of her son settling himself with running a what’s on magazine rather than rising to the top of a respected institution such as the Post Office.
 
“Mummy!”, I exclaimed whilst reaching for a rather splendid scone, hoping that her attention would be diverted, “was it a terrible mistake when the death penalty was abolished in the U.K.?”
 
Sylvia was very sensibly ignoring me, observing, as lawyers do, that the type size of the menu was way too big. She was also chatting to our dear family friend Rosemary, who along with husband Richard, has travelled to all 50 states in the U.S.A. I think it was mainly for work and holidays, rather than attending executions before you ask.
 
The age-old argument about whether cream or jam should go first on a scone is usually fought between Devon and Cornwall. They should set up trebuchets either side of the Tamar and fire their chosen options at each other for what I care. Here in loftier Somerset, home of the best dairy produce in the world, I am content with dollops in either sequence. Resplendent on our comfy sofas at the Castle, all three of us ventured that these light and delicate scones, some plain, some aux raisins, were among the best we have ever experienced. Perkin Warbeck is not the only pretender associated with Taunton and today all other scones experienced in around 23 decades between the three of us were banished from our memories.
 
You will note that I have abandoned the Bunteresque attitude as this afternoon tea is certainly not about large cakes. I must fess up that I have experienced the finger sandwiches here before – they are sublime, Somerset Ham, Mustard and Gherkin leads the charge alongside Severn & Wye Smoked Salmon, Somerset Chicken and Organic Egg Mayo, all with exquisite accoutrements on delicate light bread. They were simply a beckon to gluttony and my gambit of taking a team with limited appetites was a masterstroke.
 
The patisserie, rather than cake, took this tea to an even greater level. Miniature Rhubarb and Ginger Trifles had a gorgeous vanilla cream top – and the trio of excellence was completed by Chocolate layer cake with Pistachio Cream and Banoffee Choux bun with toffee on top and banana cream inside. The flavour combinations were just gorgeous and the textures so smooth. Each was so inventive and added to the really unique experience of the occasion. It was the off-the-scale banana cream that epitomised the constant surprises with the patisserie, there really is no room for formula here.
 
Of course when it came to drink we could have indulged some champagne or prosecco, or even dessert wine but we chose from the 14 or so options of Birchall Tea. The combination of everything on the plate and in the cup was consummate. Homemade heaven.
 
Afternoon tea at the Castle, superb value at £27.50, served between 2.30pm and 4.30pm Wednesday - Sunday. www.the-castle-hotel.com/a-traditional-afternoon-tea/